Letters To You
by OZ Angel
Summary: Hermione Granger deals with the death of her lover by writing her feelings in letters. Inspired by 'The Final Goodbye Short Story Challenge'


Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. There not my toys, I just like to play with them.  
  
This story was inspired by the Final Goodbye Short story. Doesn't quite meet all the requirements of the challenge but thanks to Droxy for the great idea. Also this story contains language that may be offensive to some readers. If you hate swearing go back now!  
  
Making It Real  
  
You're gone. You're really gone. Those words just feel wrong, even reading them here now in my own hand they don't feel real. If I don't read them I can believe that you are still here, that you are just late home from work and that any moment now you will walk through that door and complain about your class full of dunder-heads or Minerva's constant bragging about her precious Gryffindor Quidditch team. It doesn't have to be real.  
  
When Albus told me what happened it didn't seem to register. While he told me that the potion you were working on had exploded, all I could here was the blood pounding in my ears. Somehow everything seemed different, as if the world had suddenly started spinning in the wrong direction and I was fighting to stay standing. It's not real.  
  
I wish I could keep believing that. I wish I could keep believing that you aren't gone, that I won't have to bury you tomorrow. I wish I could keep believing that you are coming back. But you're not coming back. You're gone. I have to say goodbye tomorrow.  
  
That is why I am writing this to you. So that once I have finished I can read it and make it real.  
  
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I Hate You So Much Right Now  
  
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME YOU BASTARD? Why? We had plans we were supposed to have a life and you just left me here. You left me to face it all alone. It's not fair! I loved you so much and you left me! I can't do this without you.  
  
I hate this house because everywhere I look I see you. I thought it would be the big things that would get to me like pictures of you but it's not. It's your damn books, your damn quills, your stupid fucking red ink that you used too often, that one last black robe at the bottom of the wardrobe, and that bloody chipped coffee mug that you never let me throw out. I hate all of it. I just want the throw your fucking mug at the wall just to see it smash. I can't look at any of it.  
  
I wish you were here now just so I could ring your neck for this. I loved you and you left me. I honestly think if you were here with me, this very minute I would kill you for leaving me. You were the idiot, you were the dunder-head. Why did you work late in your stupid fucking lab? Why couldn't you just have come home to me? You had to bottle fame and brew glory or whatever bullshit reason you were there for. You couldn't imagine how angry I am with you right now Severus. I just want to scream. Everything is pissing me off right now because it makes me think of you.  
  
And there's not even enough bloody red ink for me to tell you just how much I hate you right now.  
  
And how much I miss you right now.  
  
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Letting Go  
  
Hello again . It's been along time since I have written to you but I just had to write this. I know you watch over me, my own guardian angel. I can feel you sometimes like you are standing right beside me, it's taken a long time but finally that thought makes me smile.  
  
Don't get me wrong sometimes it still makes me cry. Sometimes I look over your photos and wear one of your shirts and just sit and cry but it doesn't happen so often now and it doesn't hurt so much now. I never thought that the pain would lessen. Everyone told me it would get easier but I could never bring myself to believe them. The pain that used to be like a stabbing pain in my heart is now becoming more like an ache that comes and goes.  
  
I guess that means I am starting to let go. For a long time that idea scared the hell out of me I couldn't imagine letting you go. I was so afraid that letting go meant not loving you anymore and I couldn't bring myself to do that.  
  
But I understand it now. I love you and I will always love you but it's time to let go. I have to let go of all of the hurt and all of the anger that I have held onto me since you left. I finally know you didn't want to go, and that it wasn't anybodies fault and was never about anything I did.  
  
I love you my angel and so I will let go.  
  
Please leave me a review. Liked it, hated it. I'm still relatively new to writing so I could use the feedback. Thanks for reading and a special shout out to screefox for acting as my unofficial beta on this story. 


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